


like wind during summertime

by eatcops



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bipolar Caleb Widogast, Canon Non-Binary Character, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nightmares, Nonbinary Mollymauk Tealeaf, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Nott (Critical Role), Sort Of, Trans Caleb Widogast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 02:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16945248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatcops/pseuds/eatcops
Summary: “I never said I wanted that, Caleb. Don’t be so dramatic. You’re still Caleb, and you’re still mine.” Molly prowled over and combed his fingers through Caleb’s hair. Caleb sighed softly and leaned into his hand. “I’ve known men who could not read at fifty. This isn’t a big deal. You feel better?”“Keep your hand in my hair and I will be fantastic,” he mumbled. His eyes slipped shut and Molly smiled. “Thank you for being patient. You are, ah… what is the word?”“Amazing? Fantastic? Perfect? The best partner ever? The most—”“Effervescent.”“I don’t think that’s the right word, Caleb.”“No?”“No.”





	like wind during summertime

**Author's Note:**

> it isnt mentioned, but it should be noted that nott is autistic and trans, and that caleb is also autistic.

“Caleb.” Nott’s voice came slow. Her hands were cold against his burning skin, providing relief to long too warm nerves. Her large eyes watched him carefully, nails gently pressed against his arm. “Are you all right?”

“No,” he murmured. He was drenched in sweat from his hair to his feet, his clothes stuck to his back and his hands trembling against his legs. “No, I—I am not, but you needn’t worry, Nott, I will be fine. Go back to sleep.”

“Caleb—”

“Please.” His eyes met hers. They were cloudy, a bit wet, and full of despair. Her hand loosened on his arm before she crawled further up to pull him into a hug. It was a bit awkward, pulling Caleb, who was nearly double her size, against her chest, but he allowed it and gripped her shirt in his hands. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and whispered, ever so gently, “I am scared, Nott. I do not know—I do not—he could—he—”

She threaded her hands through his hair, letting the tips of her nails massage against his scalp what she hoped was calmingly. “You’t have to be. He’ll be okay. I’m worried about  _ you.” _

“I  _ know  _ you are, but—”

“Caleb.”

“What?”

“Let me worry about you. You are all I have left, I’m not going to let you sit here and do this to yourself. Molly is fine. He’s run off like this before. Come on.” 

“Nott, you mustn’t appoint yourself my  _ caretaker,  _ you are… you are your own  _ person,  _ you don’t just exist for me.”

“Ca—”

The door swung open, and had Caleb not been holding onto her, he was sure that Nott would have jumped Fjord and held a knife to him for interrupting. “There’s somethin’ I think you should see.”

“Could you be more vague?  _ Please,  _ Fjord, I’m really loving—”

“Nott.” Caleb took his hands back and stood slowly. “It’s fine. Come with me.” He waggled his fingers and waited for Nott to take his hand before following Fjord down the hall and down the stairs. Everyone else was down there, a soft murmur blanketing the inn. Yasha and Jester were crowding someone, someone Caleb couldn’t  _ see,  _ until—

“Mollymauk Tealeaf.” He let go of Nott’s hand and pushed his way through the patrons to grab Molly by his shirt. “You  _ ASSHOLE,  _ you stupid fucking—narcissistic—self-centred—asshole—” 

Molly grabbed Caleb’s wrists. His weak was grip, but his hands were warm, and Caleb swallowed. When Caleb looked up, Molly looked  _ tired. _ He was as beautiful as always, long eyelashes and neat eyebrows, but he had bags under his bloodshot eyes, which were flickering open every few moments. “I brought you something.”

“You brought—you— _ what?”  _ Caleb flushed out of either anger or embarrassment, and possibly some combination of the two, as Molly took his hands and kissed his knuckles. “Not  _ here.  _ You are embarrassing me.”

Molly smiled, but it fell when his eyes met Nott’s. She was watching him with eyes that were leagues less kind than anyone had seen before, her pupils slim and concentrated in a way they only took during battle. She wasn’t used to sharing her  _ things, _ and though Caleb was not one of her  _ things,  _ he was still  _ her boy,  _ he was  _ her  _ Caleb. When him and Molly started getting involved, she kept her hand over her pocket, where her knife was kept. Molly has no  _ qualms  _ with it, he knew the importance of family. He knew he would never be perfect in her eyes, and he knew that he would likely never know Caleb the way Nott did, but that didn’t matter. “Will you come walk with me?”

Caleb shifted on his feet and looked back at Nott, who nodded reluctantly. “Sure. Where, ah… oh. There he goes.” He held his hand up as a weak parting gesture before rushing off after Molly. “Where are you taking me? If this is some ambush, Mollymauk, I will have you know—”

“Caleb. Look at me and tell me I would do that to you.” Caleb sighed. “Exactly. Come now, darling. It’s somewhere I found the first night we were here.” Caleb’s heart tightened at Molly’s tone. “I left to make sure it was still there. It’s just past this hill, here.” They both fell quiet, noises of the night and distant partying the only thing slicing through the thick summer air. Caleb nearly slipped into his own mind, but was pulled back out when Molly grabbed his hand and pointed. “There.”

Upon further inspection, Caleb realised that it was a small, wooden gazebo with little lanterns on the sides, in the middle of a pond. The wood was wet from the previous night’s rain, and the little bridge connecting it to the land didn’t exactly look  _ stable, _ but it was breathtaking nonetheless. There were some fish he could see in the glistening water, glowing scales reflecting the light from the lanterns back against the surface of the water. “It’s… it’s very beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?” Caleb glanced over. Molly’s tired face had lit up, a grin stretched across his face like a cat given milk. He looked down at Caleb, and his smile softened. His hand slid up Caleb’s side, fingertips brushing against his shirt and up his arm, until they met Caleb’s face. He cupped Caleb’s cheek with one hand. “I’m sorry for running off on you.”

Caleb shook his head and stepped forward to cup both of his counterpart’s cheeks. “It is fine, Mollymauk. I’m sorry for calling you an asshole. And stupid. And self-centred.”

“Oh, dear, no need to apologise for  _ that,  _ that’s all true!”

Caleb shook his head and laughed quietly. One of his hands trailed up into Molly’s hair to wrap around the base of his horn and pull him down for a kiss. It was one of the most gentle ones they had shared, no teeth or tongue, no pushing each other onto beds or against walls. “You are very kind, Mollymauk. I appreciate it.”

“You know,” Molly laughed, “you’re the only person who says my name like that. Not saying it’s bad, ‘course. It’s charming. I like you saying my name. You should definitely say it more.”

Caleb rolled his eyes and stepped away from Molly to pad over to the gazebo, peering into the water and tilting his head. “These do not look native. Do you know what they are?” Molly shrugged. “Perhaps I could consult Nott, she knows a lot about…” he let his words fall off at Molly’s face. “Well, I suppose it does not matter. I would like somewhere for us to be alone, too. Though Nott is a good friend, I do not think she would be able to keep quiet about this little area.”

“She loves you a lot, you know.” Molly followed Caleb and ran one hand over the wet wood, the other resting on Caleb’s back. “I thought she was gonna bite my head off.”

“Had I not been there, she likely would have.”

“Why? She never got like that before.” Caleb went quiet and tensed, his arms locking over his chest and his knees refusing to bend. “Caleb? Come on, don’t shut down. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m sorry.”

Caleb decided to swallow his fears down and mumble, “I had a nightmare because of it.” Molly blinked at the back of Caleb’s head. “I, ah—I almost—fire, and—” He was cut off by Molly pulling him into a hug, all too similarly to how Nott had just half an hour before. 

“I’ll warn you next time. I can’t say there won’t be a next time, but I’ll warn you. Sound good?” Caleb nodded. He ran his hands up and down Molly’s back, fingers brushing over and feeling all the different fabrics of his coat and shirt. He’d never noticed just how soft all of it was. He almost whined when Molly stepped back, but the displeasure was replaced by confusion as Molly stripped himself of his coat. He stood still as Molly draped the purple fabric over Caleb’s shoulders. “You look good.” Caleb flushed and carefully slipped his arms through the holes, adjusting himself and then looking back up at Molly. “Such a shame you do. I just want to rip it off of you.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

* * *

 

“Hey, Nott? Can you stop watching me like I’m a wild animal you’re trying to hunt?” It was much too casual of a sentence. “Please? I told you already, I apologised, and he’s okay. I don’t need you tracking me. That! What is that? What are your eyes doing?” In his plea, Molly hadn’t noticed Caleb trudging down the stairs, hair curly and frazzled, backs of his hands rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Caleb!” Nott and Molly exclaimed at the same time. They glared at each other. Well, Nott glared at Molly. Molly just looked at her quizzically. 

“That is my name,  _ ja. _ Good morning, Mollymauk.” He cupped the back of Molly’s head and pressed a gentle kiss to Molly’s forehead.  _ “Guten Morgen,  _ Nott.” He repeated the same action for his little friend. “How are you two getting along? No more rivalry?”

“I wish.” Molly sighed and leaned back in his chair dramatically. “She  _ hates  _ me, darling. I can’t even sway you to give into my evil, evil ways, you’re such a mama’s boy.” 

Caleb laughed. It was light, airy, something he usually reserved for Nott. He smiled down at both of them. “Perhaps. Do keep in mind that my proclaimed  _ ‘mama’  _ can and will throttle you if she so pleases. I am the one protecting  _ you.  _ You have no evil ways. The most evil you do now is stealing my clothes when you think I am not looking.”

Nott grinned and turned to Molly, holding out one clawed hand. “I will truce with you on  _ one  _ condition.” Molly raised his eyebrows. Nott’s eyes flickered up to the jewellery decorating his horns, then licked her lips and said, “Help me find a chain like your moon charm. I am quite a big fan of it.”

“That’s it?”

“Would you like more?”

“No, no, that’s all right! That’s fine. I’m just surprised, is all.” Molly stretched and scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t see why not. Can’t be that hard.” Nott grinned even wider and spit on her hand, holding it out to him. He stared down at it. “I’m not touching that.”

“What,” Caleb smirked,  _ smirked,  _ for crying out loud, “afraid of a little g— _ halfling _ spit?” Nott’s eyes went wide and Caleb winked at her. “I do not think he wants to make a pact like that. Does this mean you will stop trying to kill him every time he does wrong?” Nott nodded fervently. “Okay. Then he will help. I’ll make sure he does. Isn’t that right, Mollymauk?”

“Huh? Oh, uh—yeah. That’s right.” He twisted one of his rings around his finger nervously. He couldn’t exactly place why he was so nervous. Maybe it was the thought of Nott  _ actually  _ gutting him if he ran off again, maybe it was the fact that Caleb cared so much. Maybe it was recalling the previous night’s…  _ escapades.  _

Caleb nodded and gestured vaguely. “There you have it. I am very tired, and I need some coffee. Would either of you like to join me?”

“No, thanks.” Nott held up her flask. “I’m plenty awake.”

“I am sure you are. Mollymauk? Care to come?”

“Sure.” Molly stood with the aid of the table. Caleb put a hand on his bicep and pressed forward to plant a gentle kiss on the corner of Molly’s mouth. “What’s this?” Molly mumbled. “Not that I mind, but you’re not usually… you know.”

Caleb shrugged and stepped back. “I feel better than usual.” Molly frowned. “More energetic, strangely enough. I am thinking that I slept well after you came back!” His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated, and Molly chewed on the inside of his lip in thought. 

“I had a friend,” he started, slowly, “depressed one day, all over the place the next. Sound familiar?” Caleb frowned. “I think, perhaps, you might be like her. Not a bad thing, not at all, just… you remind me of her.” 

“Maybe. This is—this doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Caleb—”

“Drop it.” Caleb glanced up at Molly from under his eyelashes, eyes glossing over. “Please.”

Molly went quiet and an uncomfortable silence fell over them. The air was thick, and  _ not  _ in a good way. Caleb settled back down next to Nott, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, chin rested on his knees. He excused himself, and Nott’s hand landed on top of Molly’s. 

“I didn’t—”

“I know. I’m not very good at leaving him be. He is. Like that girl, I mean. It gets problematic, sometimes. But you  _ must  _ be patient with him. If you can accept his nightmares, you will accept this. It isn’t usually this bad. We’ve had a very exciting week.” She held her other hand up to show off a few of her newly found rings. “He is not used to so much  _ calm _ excitement.”

_ “That’s  _ what you call  _ calm?  _ Christ, what did you two get up to?”

Nott smiled. “It’s probably best you don’t know. You should go talk to him. He’ll open up if you’re patient enough.” She takes her hand back and puts her chin on top of her folded fingers. “If you upset him, I won’t hesitate to punt you into the sun and feed you to the Gods.”

Molly laughed a little and rubbed one hand down his face. The ring on his middle finger caught on the low lights in the pub. “What could a little halfling girl do to me? You weigh as much as my arm.”

“A very  _ ugly  _ halfling girl, mind you.” Nott couldn’t hide the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Go. I need to do things.”

“Like what?”

_ “Things,  _ Purple Person.”

Molly nodded dutifully and pushed away from the table, feeling the wall as he walked up the creaky stairs. He found Caleb’s room easily enough. “Caleb?” He didn’t open the door until he heard a grumble from the other side. When he opened the door, he found Caleb at the small desk, a book open in his lap and foot bouncing wildly under himself. “Sorry for prying earlier.”

Caleb held a finger up and carefully dogearred the page he was on before closing the book and turning to Molly. “It is fine. I did not mean to snap at you. I am not a fan of people prying into my mind, it is not just you. Taking those things personally will only lead to disaster.”

“Good to know.” Molly closed the door quietly. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Caleb shrugged and rubbed his hands down his face with a heavy sigh. “There is not much to discuss, Mollymauk. I am less than entirely  _ in there,  _ that is it. That is all there is to it. If you do not like it, we can break off whatever it is that we have, and—”

“I never  _ said _ I wanted that, Caleb. Don’t be so dramatic. You’re still Caleb, and you’re still  _ mine.”  _ Molly prowled over and combed his fingers through Caleb’s hair. Caleb sighed softly and leaned into his hand. “I’ve known men who could not read at fifty. This isn’t a big deal. You feel better?”

“Keep your hand in my hair and I will be fantastic,” he mumbled. His eyes slipped shut and Molly smiled. “Thank you for being patient. You are, ah… what is the word?”

“Amazing? Fantastic? Perfect? The best partner ever? The most—”

“Effervescent.”

“I don’t think that’s the right word, Caleb.”

“No?”

“No.”

* * *

 

Caleb’s hand found Molly’s under the table. A few men had come into the tavern, two humans and a half-elf, and were shooting him side-eye glances every few minutes. One of them piped up, loudly, “Can you  _ believe  _ there are Tieflings this far out?” 

Molly’s jaw clenched, but Jester just grinned. She said, as loud as she could, “WOW, CALEB! IS THAT A HICKEY? MOLLY ACTS LIKE SUCH A TEENAGER CHILD, LIKE SOME FULLY GROWN MEN THAT ARE SITTING ACROSS FROM US AND KIND OF LOOK LIKE A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG!” Caleb went red, and the men that had been giving them side-eyes went quiet. One of them turned properly to say something, but Beau’s eyes didn’t leave his, and he twisted back to hold his drink. “There. You just have to be  _ loud,  _ Molly! You two are plenty good at it in the middle of the night! You cannot only be demanding during s—”

“ALL RIGHT!” Caleb clapped his hands together and laughed nervously, subtly tugging the collar of his coat up to cover the said hickey. “You are very kind for making them silence themselves, but I sort of despise you for… everything else about that. I will be leaving now.” He spared a glance at Nott, who was wringing her hands together nervously. “Nott, do you wish to come with me?”

“Oh. Oh, yes, please.” She pulled her hood tighter around her head and stood. 

Caleb pressed a kiss to the top of Molly’s head and they mumbled to each other, “Be safe.” Caleb took Nott’s hand and led her outside. “Was it those men?”

“Um… yes. I think I recognised them, but I’m not sure.” Her hand tightened in Caleb’s. “I’m sorry if it’s a bother.”

“You are never a bother to me. I was going to leave, anyway. Come, we can go to that shop you like. You can pick some things out, and we can go to that pond.”

“The one with the fish?”

“Yes.”

“All right. That sounds nice.” After they looked around the small thrift shop and found a few rings she liked, Caleb led Nott out to a small pond, but not the one Molly had brought him to. He had made a promise, and he intended to keep it. There were some non-glowing fish, fish that would come up to nibble at Nott’s fingers and make her giggle. He smiled when one of them locked eyes with her. “I think he likes me,” she whispered. 

Caleb nodded and dipped his fingers into the water next to hers. “I think he does, too.” The wind blew past their ears and Nott shivered, but stayed quiet. One of her ears twitched. Caleb shrugged his coat off, which wasn’t ideal for a layers-only day, but paid no mind to the wave of dysphoria that hit him as he draped it over her. 

“Oh, Caleb, there’s no need—”

“You are smaller than I,” he said. “You get colder, too. Let me care for you.” She made a soft noise of discontent before settling down against him and closing her eyes. “Are you tired, my friend?” She nodded. “All right. We can head back, then. Say goodbye to the fish.”

“Goodbye, fishies!” She waggled her fingers in the water before retracting them and standing, using one hand to keep Caleb’s coat secure and the other to hold Caleb’s. When they got back to the inn, Caleb was met with Molly on the bed, twisting and turning and covered in a thin layer of sweat. Him and Nott shared a look, and she shrugged his coat off to hand it back to him. “Take care of him. I’ll come check in in a little bit. I’ll go keep Jester company.”

Caleb slipped into the bed next to Molly and pressed his hand flat against his lover’s back. “Mollymauk.” Molly shot awake with wide eyes and hissed something out in Infernal, something Caleb couldn’t make out, trembling hands scrambling to tear his shirt off. Caleb assisted and pressed his hand into place again, Molly’s hot skin nearly burning his cold fingers. “Mollymauk, are you all right?”

Molly shook his head and scrambled for Caleb’s free hand, which he offered willingly. “You—Uh—I’ve never—” He whimpered softly and let the words fell. Caleb wondered, for a moment, if the pity he felt was standard for the group whenever  _ he  _ had a nightmare. Did Jester’s stomach twist when he woke up screaming? Did Fjord’s heart squeeze? Rather than questioning anything, Caleb wrapped his arms around Molly and pulled him in for a hug, kissing the top of his head. “Caleb, this is—this is real, correct?”

“Very real, Mollymauk, all of this is real. I can assure you of that. What else do you need? Water? Food? I can—”

“You, please, Caleb, just you. Can you—will—I need—” Caleb pressed a gentle kiss to Molly’s lips. Not to silence him, nor to incite anything, but as a hopefully calming gesture. The jewellery on Molly’s horns had tangled in his sleep, so he let one hand slide up to take care of that. He did his best to make sure nothing got nicked or scraped in the process, carefully draping it back into place and smiling a bit at the end. He then reached behind himself to grab his coat, and draped it over Molly’s shoulders. It could act as a shield between him and the outside world the way it did for Caleb. “Thank you. I’m sorry that I’m like this, I know I’m supposed to be all…” he waved his hands through the air, “… cool, all the time, and this is the exact opposite of that.”

Caleb shrugged and ran his hands through Molly’s hair. “I still think you are cool. I do not like seeing you in pain, but you are dealing with it well. Do you wish to talk about the dream?” Molly shook his head fervently, and Caleb nodded. “Understandable. Is there anything else I can do for you?” 

Molly shook his head and bit his lip. “Just… stay with me tonight. Please.” Caleb nodded in understanding and shifted behind Molly to wrap his arms around him. Even with Nott, he wasn’t used to being the big spoon; it made him feel too exposed. However, with his arms around Molly and his lips against Molly’s jawline, there was nothing that made him uncomfortable. In that moment,  _ he  _ was the protector. He was able to protect Molly, even if only from bad dreams. 

Molly fell asleep within minutes. 

Caleb followed close behind. 

Nott climbed up behind Caleb after a few hours had passed.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while on a 20-something hour long drive, and i'm only just past episode four, so forgive any OOC-ness or mistakes. feel free to leave comments or critiques ^___^


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